Friends. Till the End.

Dearest Mother.

I know that you will never read this. Partly because you don't know about my ranting spot. And also because you have no internet in the middle of nowhere you call home. But, in light of reading a close friend's post to his friends, I wanted to write something to tell you how I feel about you. Ready? Too bad if you aren't, because here it goes.

Mom, you have been there for me no matter what. You either help me first and foremost, or you lecture me, which in the end, you are always right. I know that no matter what, I can always get some sort of advice from you. I know that I can always turn to you, no questions asked.

Mom, there have been times in my life, especially lately, that I haven't always turned to you directly for advice. In these times, I'm simply considering the fact of how you would feel if you knew what really happened. I don't want to mess up your life, even though I am a big part of it. You should not have to worry about my problems. Like a good coworker said to me, why worry her even more? Mom, I really want to tell you what happened, but it's in the past and I'm getting over it. Besides, there is nothing you can do, besides kill the guy, and I'm pretty sure somebody has already claimed that one.

Mom, you are my hero. You have shown me how to live right. You have shown me what compassion really means. You have shown me who I can be and who I want to be. You have shown me what makes a person a good person, and Mom, you are the best person I know. You raised three kids on your own, and we are all fully functionable. You have shown us how to be successful. You gave up your life for us. We could never ask for more. You are truly the best.

Mom, you are my best friend. I know that you will never hate me, for absolutely any reason. Half of my blood comes from you. You gave me life. I love our little hate fests on my two favorite stepsisters. Or the times when I call just because I need to be lectured. Yes, I do call just to hear you lecture me. Mom, I call you just to hear your voice, because by hearing your voice, I know that in the end, everything will be alright. Mom, without you, my world doesn't exist. Even though you live 1,361 miles away from me, I could never feel closer to you.

Mom, I miss you so much. Even if you still lived in California, I would miss you to the extreme. I love you mom. I always will. I am so lucky to have you as my Mom. Jake, Mollie and I are extremely grateful for everything you have done for us. We would be nowhere without you. Could you imagine that? We would all be living with our fathers...and we would be screwed up people.

Mom, I could go on forever about how great you are to us and how thankful I am for you, but, unfortunately, homework is calling. I love you and I know you will never see this, but I need to get it out there. I need the world to know how amazing you are.






Mom, I love you.

I Walk Alone.

Today was a good day. No, nothing great or fantastic happened. It was a normal day actually. I woke up to the sound of some crazy techno at the usual 6:56 am, took the usual morning shower, brushed my teeth, and finished the typical routine of getting ready. Class was boring, as usual. When is an 8am class ever fun? Work came and went, routinely. Then, as I always do on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I attended my bible class, unwillingly I must say. Yes, as you can tell, today was horribly boring.

I realized a few things today however.

One. Boredom is not necessarily a bad thing. Having a boring day is significantly more appealing than having a day full of atrocious events. I would rather having a boring day than lose my job. Please, I can't lose that job, actually. I need it. So, therefore, boring is good.

Two. I'm simply rushing it. Yes, I really like him. Yes, I really want to be "his." Yes, I really want to be able to claim him, haha. But I do not want to rush into this. I want it to work out. I want us to be happy. So for now, he is simply my...Eric. He is obviously more than a friend, but nothing official yet. And, I'm going to keep it that way until he decides he is ready for something else. Something more, that is.

Three. Smoke detectors with low batteries are super annoying. Especially when you are trying to sleep after a night of being kept up by obnoxious snoring and blanket stealing. And, for me, they bring back horrible memories that I never want to experience again. So please kids, if it beeps, replace the batteries, for the sake of Amanda.

Finally, Four. Best friends are amazing. Best friends make the world a better place. Most people are only lucky enough to have a single best friend, but, I am lucky enough to have five. At this point, I don't know what I would do without you guys. You have helped me through the worst of times, through my lowest points, ever. I could never thank you guys enough. You basically saved my life. I love you all.