Empty Promises

I just can't pull myself away, I just can't stop. I just can't stop.


But....

I need to...

I need to stop feeling this way. I need to let him go, and figure his problems out. I need to think about myself. I need to be selfish for once. I need to do what is best for me. I'm letting him go. I'm letting him figure it out on his own.

I want to...

I want to go back. I want to go back to November, and do everything all over again. Sure, I had some good times since then. But I want the old me back. Everybody says change is something you can't help, but i know one way that I could have fixed it. I could have stopped that night. I could still be the fun, loud, crazy Amanda. I feel like I lost a huge part of me. And, I want it back.

I'm going to...

I'm going to get better, eventually. I thought I had gotten better, but I haven't. I have just been hiding my emotions, faking that happiness, yet again. I'm going to build myself back up again.

I hate that...

I hate that I'm sitting here crying as I'm writing this. I hate that I'm never going to be completely normal again. I hate him. I hate you so much John. I hate what you took from me. I hate how you look, sound, smell, talk. I hate that you breathe the same air that I do. I hate that you have a beating heart. I hate that I'm letting go of Eric. I hate that it's happening this way. I hate that I can't walk over to my best friend's house to hug her. I hate being so far away. I hate that I have self destructive habits. I hate that I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I act. I hate the way I feel. I hate me.

I've made...

I've made many mistakes over the past few months. I've been a reckless person as of late. I wish I could change what I have done, but there is no going back now. I'm going to change. I'm going to be smart again. I'm going to be different.



Just take one step at a time, there's no need to rush.