Don't let me get me, i'm a hazard to myself.

I never realized how much a single song can bring a mood down. Flicking through my zune player on shuffle, i managed to come across an old song that i had not heard in possibly a year or so. Two lines into the song, and my "happy" mood was gone. I'm sitting here now, with a frown upon my face, the wind blowing through the window, causing chills to go down my body.

I want to change...

I want to be normal...

I want to go back in time...

That will never happen. People say that we learn from our mistakes, but i have yet to figure out what i am supposed to learn from this mistake. It seems like this is a mistake which cost me my life, emotionally. Physically, i still have a heartbeat and a pulse, but emotionally, i'm shot.

A new song begins, and it's another sad song. Is this how it is going to be for the rest it? Is it going to be constantly sad? I don't know how many times i have told my mom and dad that i'm happy. I don't know how many lies i have told them in the past month. I want to run. I want to run so far away that nobody can find me. I want to run away from my problems. I want to run to the middle of nowhere. Mom thinks i am happy. Dad thinks i love it here. I wish i COULD love it here. I wish i could enjoy my life. If it wasn't for November 29, 2008, i would be enjoying my life. If it wasn't for him, i wouldn't want to disappear. "It's bad when you annoy yourself." What is it then when you hate yourself?

Someone informed me last night that i would never forget this. Why not? The same person also informed me that i cannot do it alone. Why not? I'm an incompetent human being, and i'm finally asking for help...